Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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