hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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