You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
