Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
