omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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