and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
