dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
