to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
