He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
