So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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