Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
