well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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