i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
