it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
