I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize