I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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