If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
