He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
