i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize