I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
