I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize