im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
