So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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