Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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