Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
