i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you had me at cake vodka
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
