he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
