Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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