i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
