I think my vagina is haunted
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
