Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
