He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
