Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
