Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
