So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
