Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
