Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
