I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
