Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
