I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
