Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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