I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and she was petting her beer can
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
