Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
