sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
