then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
