I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
