she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ruined the universe
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize