How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did I show you my penis last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
