I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
