3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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