Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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