i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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