and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
