i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
