Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize