Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
