Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
