just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
