your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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