Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm like, not good at living.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
