You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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