i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
