i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
