I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
